Saturday November 27, 2010

Finished my FAFSA for school this eve. One step closer to film school!

Friday November 26, 2010

I met D.D. at St. Marks for coffee. We talked about poly relationships as well as open-ended relationships and I solicited her help in planning a surprise for a loved one. I’m looking forward to seeing how it goes.

Thursday November 25, 2010

Elli and I enjoyed Thanksgiving dinner at the house. The food was great and it was a relaxing day. I am fortunate to have Elli in my life. She loves and adores everything about me. I can honestly say that the depth and intensity of her love is like none I have experienced before. Latter we watched Sarface. I really enjoy that movie it has been my experience that the movie is a true reflection of both the time and the trappings of the lifestyle. In a dark twisted way Tony Montana was living the American dream.

Wednesday November 24, 2010

Went and had coffee with Tracy from work again. Latter on in the evening I was thinking about our relationship and decided to no longer put forth anymore time or energy into it unless it begins to be reciprocated. One side relationships are unfair and a waste of time. I have been on the giving and receiving end of such relationships and I just don’t want to play that game anymore.

Saturday November 20 2010

I was accepted to Aurora Community College where the core general education classes will be taught at the Colorado Film School. So now I have to apply for my student financial aid and then take the Accuplacer. One,Two, Three, Showtime!

Friday November 19, 2010

Tracy and I were supposed to see each other today in fact she was going to come down and see my apartment however her husband took the day off and our plans fell through. That happens when all parties are not on board with current relationships and in some ways is reminiscent of how my relationship with Elli was in the very beginning. I guess I feel caught between being poly and having everyone on the same page and understanding that Tracy’s relationship with her husband is not my relationship, it’s hers to do and run as she sees fit. My relationship with Tracy should it ever materialize, will be very different then the one I initially envision my relationships would be when I first ventured into polyamory. I feel as if I am becoming more flexible and realistic with my expectations with my other relationships. I am very fortunate that Elli is not only my primary relationship but she fulfills the deep emotional connection, maternal nurturing and sexual needs that I have been searching for all my life.

Thursday November 18, 2010

This evening while at couples therapy I learned more about my communication style with Elli during conflict as opposed to when I am passionate about a topic. It was interesting to observe the non-verbals, tone of voice and what was being heard as opposed to what is being said. This was our third visit and Elli and I have decided to continue with therapy and the current therapist.

Wednesday November 17 2010

Had coffee with Tracy on our break talked about seeing each other more often and having her spend the night at some point in the near future.

Monday November 15, 2010

Tired so tired. I lay on the bed my mind is in the twilight a realm in-between being awake and sleep. Elli takes me in her mouth, her head moves rhythmically up and down. I slip into a dominant headspace and grab a handful of her hair and pull hard. The blood flows quickly into my cock as I forcibly push her head down and make her deep throat the length of my longing. My voice is low but firm as I issue her commands, “open wider, slow down, relax.” She worships my cock with a devoted passion paying homage to the idol of lust. I hold her head and mouth still as I thrust my desire into welcoming mouth deeper and deeper face fucking her with a brutal passion that I haven’t felt in ages. Time stops and we are in the eternal now a moment to freeze and own. As I explode into her mouth I find myself in the heat of the night in the garden of indulgence and dark delight.

Saturday November 13, 2010

Last day off. I’m going to do a little writing, go to the gym then do some indoor rock climbing. Latter Elli and I are going to curl up and watch Fight Club.

Friday November 12, 2010

It was a nice and relaxing day spent entirely by myself. Applied for admissions to the Colorado Film School and completed my admissions application for the Art Institute of Colorado. The Art Institute wanted a $50.00 fee for the application so I didn’t send it rather completed all of it and scheduled another appointment next week so that I can meet with an Ai advisor and compare their curriculum verses the Colorado Films School curriculum, price and practicality. Hopefully I can speak to a few students at the school because I can learn a lot from them.

Since Renee never got back to me this week about when she wanted to meet up with me I filled up my schedule. I don’t mind working around her schedule she just needs to try a little harder to communicate her schedule to me otherwise I will focus spending time exclusively with Elli and Trish.

Thursday November 11, 2010

Elli and I had two separate individual therapy sessions and then we did a couples session. I was at the Psychology Center for so long it felt like I was in day treatment. Couples therapy went well and we are going to begin to work on conflict therapy. After our sessions we went to my physical therapy appointment for my hand. We had a delicious dinner at a Thai restaurant. Latter we had a BDSM play session and though it was light compared to those we have done in the past I really enjoyed it and Elli handled it well. Next we did some fisting and some play with a strap on. It was a good night!

Wednesday November 10, 2010

Elli is going over to Amy’s house after work, which is just as well because this evening I found myself completely drained from work and angry at the world. I ended up shutting off my phone and not talking to either Trish or Renee. Sometimes I just need alone time without obligation and instead turned my attention to a film that I had wanted to see for some time.

I watched “I Stand Alone” a 1998 French drama film, written and directed by Gaspar Noé, and starring Philippe Nahon, Blandine Lenoir, Frankye Pain and Martine Audrain. The original French title is Seul contre tous, which means "Alone against all". The film focuses on several pivotal days in the life of a bitter former butcher as he rages against the world. The film was the director's first feature-length production, and is a sequel to his 1991 short film Carne. Though not as visually or emotionally dynamic as Irreversible or the Enter the Void I enjoyed “I Stand Alone” because of it’s cinematic simplicity, psycho-sexual determinism and the interior monologue that is both profound and psychotic. It is a movie about sex and death but also about the inherent rage, violence, pride and sexual drive that is seated deep within the male psyche. The film explores a forbidden area of the male gender that is often denied or glossed over, one that is surrounded by myth and taboo. Gaspar Noé, creates a film that exposes the hideously entertaining wound for all to see.

I Stand Alone is definitely not for everyone. If the movie TAXI DRIVER was too much for you then you will want to skip I Stand Alone.

Saturday November 6, 2010

I went to the Art Institute of Colorado this morning and checked out the visual effects and animation department but I couldn’t stay to see the Digital film and video production so I will have to reschedule. Latter in the afternoon I did a light BDSM scene with her and to her using canes and a few impact toys. This was our first session together though she has seen me get beat plenty of times at the BDSM clubs. She handled it pretty well and as I was using the cane on her I imagined the rape scene she wanted to do. I envisioned repeatedly punching and slapping her and wrapping my strong hands around her throat as I fuck her like a sex toy. The images of brute force and objectification were really turning me on. After the canning I fisted her, which was her first time. I was able to get my hand about halfway in which is pretty good for the first time. Because I was so turned on I had to stop halfway through the scene and fuck her before starting the fisting again. It was a good night.

Friday November 5, 2010

Woke up and trained a client first thing this morning then a short while latter I dropped my taxes off to the local IRS office. The IRS doesn’t seem interested in garnishing my wages though I wish they would so I could pay them back and hold off my H.O.A. garnishment for my condo that is in foreclosure. Then I went to the car repair shop yet again with another problem. I think those bad mechanics messed my little burgundy chariot up. I went to the Colorado Film School at 2:00pm and did a tour. I like the feel of the school and was able to see a lot of the equipment and workstations that they use. Spent the rest of the evening by myself enjoying alone time. Oh how to I truly love my alone time!

Thursday November 4, 2010

Woke up exhausted from my work shift. The day was very busy practically every hour was planned out and this is something that really stresses me out a great deal. My only reprieve was when Elli and I walked back to the car from my dentist appointment. We took a walk on a path by the river and I came up with a photo shoot as well as a short film seen to do in that area. Latter in the evening Elli and I went to our first couples counseling session. We wanted to continue to work on bettering communication though since we initially considered counseling our communication has greatly improved. The counselor who is currently still in school seems uncertain. She didn’t really know what to make of us at first and had little if any idea what polyamory or BDSM were so we’re going to have to get her up to speed over the next few weeks. Elli seemed to like her and the session went well so at the end of the day that’s what’s important. Initially Elli and I were going to do a play scene and then I was gong to fist her latter but by the time we got home it was late and I had to be up at 5a.m. so we just ended up going to bed.

Saturday October 30, 2010

I went to Rock and Jammin and took and introductory lesson on indoor climbing and bouldering. I had a great time it was really fun. Reena came and watched for awhile but she didn’t participate. I wish I could have spent more time with her during this off shift but both our schedules have been hectic but in order to make the relationship work we both will need to work on setting time aside so that we can enjoy quality bounding time together. The same thing is true with Trish if she is still serious about having a relationship.

Thursday October 28, 2010

Another busy day! I really need a day all to myself without having to have a dozen appointments or errands. I need a day where I can just sit and do a little reading and writing and of course daydreaming.

Saturday October 23, 2010

Alexandra took me to breakfast this morning at a place called Snoozes on Colorado Blvd. The food was awesome her company even better. We talked about her schooling and about my relationships. I miss Alex.

Reene came over later on in the day. I was feeling rushed and frustrated but that was cured by a great orgasm. I love the way she gives head I just wished she swallowed.

Friday October 22, 2010

Spent most of the day with Elli she gave me two very wonderful birthday cards and a great tasting Halloween cake complete with spiders, gummy worms and a skull. Then the real surprise she gave me two wooden framed enlarged photos from our Sin City photo shoot. One photo was with the both of us on a Victorian style sofa and she is laying down with her head on my lap. The picture has a part of a guitar in the background giving it a Rock-n-Roll type feel something you might see on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine. The other photo is of Elli sitting topless on the top edge of the sofa that was altered to include angle wings and a halo. This imagery is symbolic of how I have always seen and wrote about Elli as being my angel. I am fortunate to have such a divine presence in my life.