Wednesday 7, 2010

I talk to Alice again on the way home from the gym. She is still very upset and needs to continue to vent. It is important for her to let me know how angry and hurt she is and how vulnerable she feels. She needs for me to hear how she would handle the situation if it were one of her boys that had sent the text. At this point she is not ready to hear and is unable to his how her actions contribute to the outcome of the weekend. She doesn’t want to take ownership for her part or apologize for her behavior. I however do take ownership for my part and apologize again and told her what I could have and will do differently if the situation ever comes up again. Will Alice take accountability for her actions? I don’t know for sure but the future of our relationship really is dependent on her being honest about her motives and taking responsibility for her actions. Today she wasn’t receptive to any sort of message and so no matter how many times I would have repeated something she didn’t want to hear she wouldn’t have heard it. I’m not going to let it slide by any means but timing and delivery of a message are crucial and so I’m going to wait patiently for a few days before expressing how my thoughts on her perceived motives, actions and double standards. My intent is not to punish her but to help strengthen our relationship and help her grow as an individual.

Hopefully we will be able to meet next week and I will share with her “What Poly Means to Me” and encourage her to share with me what it means to her. We have had conversations around this before but this will be the first time I have had my thoughts written down on paper and have a written down clearly and thoughtfully my expectations and boundaries and why they are important to me. I want to make sure that from here on out Alice and I are on the same page with personal expectations and boundaries concerning relationships in general and ours in particular.

I shared the rough draft of “What Poly Means to Me” with Elli before she went to bed. She was very receptive to it and encouraged me to expand upon it.