Alexandra took me to breakfast this morning at a place called Snoozes on Colorado Blvd. The food was awesome her company even better. We talked about her schooling and about my relationships. I miss Alex.
Reene came over later on in the day. I was feeling rushed and frustrated but that was cured by a great orgasm. I love the way she gives head I just wished she swallowed.
Spent most of the day with Elli she gave me two very wonderful birthday cards and a great tasting Halloween cake complete with spiders, gummy worms and a skull. Then the real surprise she gave me two wooden framed enlarged photos from our Sin City photo shoot. One photo was with the both of us on a Victorian style sofa and she is laying down with her head on my lap. The picture has a part of a guitar in the background giving it a Rock-n-Roll type feel something you might see on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine. The other photo is of Elli sitting topless on the top edge of the sofa that was altered to include angle wings and a halo. This imagery is symbolic of how I have always seen and wrote about Elli as being my angel. I am fortunate to have such a divine presence in my life.
Managed to get a workout in and some reading done. Visited Dr. Grossman to get my testosterone number, which was at a very low 300 so I took yet another bloodtest.
Dad calls me using Vietnam as and excuse for him binge drinking and ending up in the hospital in ICU yet again. My dad doesn’t want help, he doesn’t want to take accountability for his actions he just wants an excuse to keep drinking.
Trish is back from her trip to Vegas so I stopped by and seen her on her break at work. We talked more about having a relationship and her thoughts about my other relationships as well as general emotions and insecurities. Unlike my relationship with Renee whose husband I have met and whose aware of my relationship with his wife Trish’s husband will not know about my relationship with her and so brings up a moral issue that runs counter to my idea of open, honest communication. Wow, this is so reminiscent of relationships past. After I visited with Trish I went to hangout with Elli at her job before returning home and reading.
I spent the majority of the day by myself and it was good! A little writing, a little reading sometime spent in the gym then on the net. I need more alone time :)
I have the next few days off from work, which is good because my last shift I took off I was sick the entire time. I did a boxing session with Alexandra and her mother at the gym in my apartment community. It was a good workout, I miss Alex, I miss her a lot and wish she was more of an integrate part of my life. Latter Elli and I went with LaShonda to St. Marks for coffee. We talked a little about the book Ethical Slut that I loaned LaShonda and about over all needs, wants and desires in both monogamous and poly relationships. Towards the latter half of the conversation I stopped talking and just listened to LaShonda and Ell. I also was observing the other patrons, coffee house people are an eclectic bunch some were there to study others to be seen and a few just wanted to be heard.
I called Alice back this morning and told her my decision. It was easier then I had anticipated and the decision was mutual. She is 23 and I am 39 we just have different needs, wants and desires so far as it comes to relationships at the moment. We didn’t rule out a relationship in the future just for now. Alice backed off her statement that every time I spoke to her I criticized her and restated that I had been a big a big emotion support when she talked to me on the phone which is more accurate.
Renee came this afternoon and I spread her body out over the bed and gave a big hello. Latter she met Elli for the first time and we all went out and got some lunch the Renee left for the day. It was a good time and Elli was glad to meet her. Latter in the evening Elli and I embraced then we watched the movie Blow. I slept with her for most the night something I rarely do because I need my personal space but I wanted to be near to her and feel connected.
Alice called me from Florida this afternoon she is attending her best friends wedding. She wanted to let me know that she had oral sex with her best friend and the husband to be and if I was all good with that? When I said it’s something we would have to talk about she then proceeded to say that she was unhappy with our relationship because she couldn’t do whatever she wanted, when she wanted, with whoever she wanted and I need to let her, be her. I said that what she seemed to want was to be single without any responsibilities and having to answer only to herself. I said the problem is you have a single mentality but want to have poly relationships. She kept going on and on about her being the victim and being unhappy so I repeated everything that she said to me so I could make sure that I was hearing her correctly and said I would think about it tonight and call her tomorrow to let her know what I wanted to do in regards to our relationship.
In all honesty I don’t need all night to think about it Alice and I are on two very different pages when it comes to a healthy relationship and I have no desire to continue to be romantically involved with her. It isn’t a good thing or a bad thing it simply is. I will seek to maintain a friendship with her if possible but if not I will leave the relationship knowing I really did try and make it work. Over all it was a positive experience in so far that I learned a lot about her, relationships and myself in general.
My father also called while I was at the gym. He was drunk and belligerent and left a very ignorant message. I felt like calling him back right after I received the message but realized he would still be drunk and I want him to be sober and remember the conversation I have with him so I will wait until tomorrow.
This morning I was reading The Madness Begins At Midnight a short story that takes place in Buenos Aires and I immediately thought of Alexandra and so texted her because I miss her very much and even after all this time still have feelings for her. I didn’t know if her number was still the same but I sent the text into the void nonetheless. Then I went with Elli down to Cherry Creek to pick up my monthly payment from my personal training client. While we were down there we decided to go to the Farmers Open Market. We walked along the entire side of the market noting fresh pastries, locally grown meats and produce. We stopped to get some coffee on the opposite side and I looked around and noticed a unique tattoo on a women’s back. I smiled that’s Alex! I walked up to where she was sitting and gentle put my hand on her back. Wow, I thought the universe works in mysterious ways. First my client forgets her checkbook Friday morning and Friday afternoon I wasn’t feeling well enough to collect it from her so we make plans to meet down in Cherry Creek today. This morning I read a story set in Buenos Aires and of Alex and text her but hadn’t gotten a reply. Elli and I just happened to stop by the Farmers Market and there is Alex! “Hi Alex!” “How are you?” “I’m good, how are you?” “I’m good, very good.” I replied. I introduced her to Elli forgetting they had met before. Then turned back to Alex. “Is your number still the same?” “Yes, I texted you back didn’t you get it?” I reach for my phone but realized that it’s been in the car the entire time. She shows me her phone “My number is still the same, look here is the message.” We talked for a few minutes and she wanted to start boxing again perhaps by next Friday. We hugged and then Elli and I walked back through the market buying some fresh pastries and honey as well as getting something to eat. Elli and I went back home and took a nice long walk through the neighborhood. I took Elli to work and went back home to meet up with Reene.
It has been weeks since I have seen Reene. First we had conflicting schedules then I was sick for days on end then with Elli on vacation. Today we finally were able to meet. I met her downstairs and greeted her with a hug and a kiss then hurried her upstairs and got her naked on the bed. She still hasn’t had her complete STD testing so I fingered her and then she went down on me and I was able to have a great orgasm. We cuddled for about an hour and then she had to go. So many relationships so little time.
I met Trish for lunch off of I-70. I like Trish a lot she is smart, sexy and makes me feel at peace with myself. She was shy today like a young schoolgirl out on her first date. I thought it was cute and even erotic. We ate and talked but are time was limited and so I hugged her goodbye and moved on with my day.
I was sick and grumpy today. The potential job fell through last minute. I was very disappointed.
Went for my 2nd interview but found out the job was only temporary until the end of October. There has been a serious breakdown of communication with this company since I applied. I’m not at all confident with my potential employment there.
I woke up with a headache from last night so I decided to shower and pack up and go with Elli to see Devil’s Tower then head to Casper Wyoming to visit my father. Devils Tower was very peaceful and serene and I remember the many times I visited as a child. Sometimes I long to be that child that is loved and accepted by his parents and is kept safe from danger. Those basic needs are good to be aware of because I am liable to seek those various needs in my poly relationships to varying degrees. Properly identifying a need and matching that need with a specific person who is able to fulfill it will make the relationship more satisfying and less stressful. Remember in poly relationships you do not expect one person to fulfill all your needs and instead look to specific relationships to fulfill specific needs.
As Elli and I left the town of Moorcroft I got a phone call from a potential job opportunity but they want to interview me again tomorrow at noon. We decide to scrap going to Casper because we wouln’t have enough time. We backed tracked to take a shorter way back to Denver. When we get home Elli takes me out to buy a new shirt and tie for the interview (she is a sweetie). We then go out to eat a wonderful dinner and talk. Elli is kind and is very loving I am fortunate to have her in my life.
I woke up tired and sick but decided to take the trip to Hulett Wyoming anyway. The day was very long and the ride uncomfortable. We arrive late in the evening to Hulett and check into our motel which had mold behind a wall. We were able to move rooms but the mold gave me a headache all night. We ate at the only restaurant that charged $18.00 for a plate of pasta. It was lame very lame. I regret that I was unable to be better company for Elli and wish this was a better trip.
Spent the morning with Alice but I was still sick and so I left early. It was too bad because her loins were on fire! Maybe when she gets back from her trip we can in sync and make up for time lost.
Today was my day with Elli but I didn’t get as much time as I would have liked with her because Josh and I were trying to work out some bugs with my computer. I should be able to begin working on the Razor Girl project on my next off shift now that the computer issue has been resolved. Latter on in the evening Elli and I watched “Irreversible” directed by Gaspar Noe who also directed Carne. Though this movie won’t appeal to the average Hollywood moviegoer I thought over all, Irreversible was a very good movie that was well thought out and really mirrored the cause and effect aspects of reality. Besides the camera work at the very beginning the only other grumble was that the emotionally intense moments lacked the necessary build up in order to experience their full impact. The audience does get to experience but it could have been even more intense. This might be do to culture the differences between French and American social dynamics or emotional delivery in cinema. Though a harsh dose of reality it was a good movie that comes highly recommended.
The interview went well and I should know in a few weeks what’s available. I ran some errands and read more of Shogun. Latter Renee came over and we talked for a while then I was fortunate enough to experience her skills at fellatio. Renee left and Elli arrived home from work, we talked a bit before going into her bedroom and made love. I felt really connected to both Elli and Renee. I felt loved and at peace with myself something that rarely seems to happen.
