Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Though tired and stressed from working at the asylum I stayed up this evening working on an online application and some other paperwork for tomorrow’s interview. Hopefully I can get another job soon. I’m so tired of experiencing the constant emotional abuse, restraining girls, getting spit on and punched at and let’s not forget the tip of my finger that was chopped off by one of the girls. I’m tired, so tired of the abuse we as staff are made to suffer. A quote from Hellraiser II, repeats over and over in my mind, “Your suffering will be legendary in for Hell!”

I also decided this evening not to meet Alice because of last Saturday’s experience. I need a break from that kind of anger and smoldering rage. I have other things that need to be taken care of so I’ll do those and perhaps meet up with Renee if I have time.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

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I spent the majority of the day with Alice. She was upset because her and Jake were in another argument this morning and it continued while she drove him back to his apartment. Alice spends a lot of time and energy arguing with Jake but hey “not my relationship.” Alice and I went out for breakfast and then to the Harvest Fest checked out the different venders and rode on a carnival ride. Up to this point I had enjoyed my time with her even though much of it was spent discussing her issues with Jake. When she ask if I wanted to go to the Italian Festival I said sure but I can’t stay long because I need to meet Reene she became very, very angry. You see I had called her earlier in the morning and left her a message asking if it was ok if I stopped by earlier because I had to leave at 1pm and though she got the message she was under the impression that regardless when I came I was spending the whole day with her. I don’t exactly know how the lines of communication got mixed up but I took responsibility, owned up and said I would do better at communicating any future schedule. Still she was angry. I don’t know how much had to do with the actual scheduling and how much had to do with seeing another women but were both in poly relationships. She was yelling at traffic and driving erratic, the same things I have done when Elli has been in the car and for a brief time I really was able to relate to how Elli must feel when I act like a complete ass. No matter how angry Alice got, I showed no response. She was used to arguing and yelling but I didn’t do either. The way I figured it was that I took ownership for what I had done and committed to do better end of story. When we finally got to the Italian festival I fond myself wondering whether or not I was going to be patient enough to deal with this relationship. As for Elli, she must have the patience of a Saint when it comes to me but the biggest difference between Alice and me (our personality types are the same accept she is an extrovert) is that I really strive tirelessly in trying to improve myself especially my emotions.

Friday, September 10, 2010

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I spent the entire day with Elli and enjoyed her warmth and affection. Much latter in the evening we would get into an argument of sorts concerning her relationship with Amy. Admittedly I still cannot for the life of me wrap my mind around their relationship or it’s significants to her. I had to repeatedly remind myself of that during the conversation. Not my relationship, I would tell myself over and over but then I found myself attempting to compare a relationship I don’t understand with the one I have with Elli. Not the same relationship, I would tell myself over and over and then after sometime I was finally able to hear what Elli was actually trying to say and I let go of my misunderstanding and frustration and reflected on the entirety of the conversation. One thing that stuck out the most during the conversation is when I told Elli I didn’t think she really new me. Then I stepped out of the car filled it up with gas and got back in. While I started the car Elli proceeded to tell me in very specific detail things about myself that no other person on this Earth knows. I was amazed, humbled and thankful. Elli loves me like no other I have ever known.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

I woke up early and wrote more on my Dr. Monroe story then I went to the gym. Renee left me a voice mail saying she had to cancel today’s date and wanted to reschedule for Friday but Friday I’m with Elli and Saturday during the day have a date with Anna so maybe Saturday late afternoon? I had forgot that I had a therapy session at 12 today so it’s just as well that Renee canceled. The session was ok but I’m realizing that while I’ll always have issues that I will need to work on to continue to improve as a person I have come to a point where I am able to deal with the majority of them in the moment and without much, if any outside help. Alice called and canceled our date tonight which isn’t really a bad thing because I get the rest of the day to myself praise the lord! I took a nap, did a bit more witting and read some more of Shogun. When Elli gets home from work I’m going to pin her to the bed and give her some good love’in!

Saturday September 4, 2010

I slept in till 10:00am it was great! No dates for me today, thank god because I really need a day for myself. I did a little writing, read emails and some chores around the house and headed to the gym and stayed there for a few hours before picking up LaShonda (my ex who has since remarried) so that I could view the pictures from her last few photo shoots. Josh is LaShonda’s husband and they both do great work its always a pleasure to see their newest creation. Latter I ran a few errands and caught up on my blog and now I’m going to read some more of Shogun.

Friday September 3, 2010

My first engagement of the day was coffee with Trish. I like Trish (coworker) she makes me instantly relax and feel comfortable which is difficult for me to do most of the time. We talked about my poly relationships and her relationship with her husband. We flirted back and forth as is our usual routine and enjoyed our time together. I really need to ask her point blank about what she really wants out of our relationship and why.

I went to the gym to workout and then picked up Elli at work and we went to dinner near her work. Afterwards Alice called while we were in the bookstore and said her car was broken down and needed towed so Elli and I picked Alice and her boyfriend Jake up and drove them back to Alice’s apartment. You might think that having all four of us in the car together would be awkward but it wasn’t. I’ve never been jealous of Jake’s relationship with Alice and Alice isn’t jealous of my relationship with Elli so all was good.

Elli and I went back to our apartment and I was going to practice tying her up but I really wanted to go strait to the sex. First I fisted her, which is always so very, very hot then I had anal sex with her fulfilling a very intense fantasy I had been having for the past few weeks. Then I showered and we enjoyed some regular sex with her on top, the orgasm was mind blowing!

Thursday September 2, 2010

I had a date with Renee and met her at her house and talked to her husband about the Denver Sanctuary & ManCODE. Then I took Renee downtown and we walked on the 16^th street mall and ate lunch at the Tilted Kilt where we both enjoyed the eye candy think lots of cleavage and short plaid mini skirts!!! We talked about my poly relationships and her past relationships as well as our relationship prior to her leaving from Europe. She said that the thought of me being with other women made her jealous while the thought of her husband being with another man or women didn’t make her jealous at all. I asked her why that was? Did she think my feelings for her changed when I was with someone else? Did she feel that she was competing or perhaps being abandoned? She said she really didn’t know but she promised to put some thought into it. Jealously is a natural human emotion and occurs for various reasons and its crucial in poly relationships that this emotion is addresses quickly, openly and honestly. You will learn a lot about yourself and improve your relationships by experiencing, understanding and communicating. We held hands for the first time in well over a year but it seemed as if it were only yesterday. After we ate I drove her back to her house and went to visit my seconded date of the day Ana.

I arrived on time to Ana’s and I was really looking forward to having some really good sex but she was shy this evening in a schoolgirl sort of way it was actually pretty erotic come to think about it. We went out to dinner and talked then took her dog for a walk before curling up on her bed and watching some youtube videos until it was time for me to pick up Elli.

I picked up Elli at her job and we went back to our apartment. She asked me how my dates were then we enjoyed some really great sex.

Saturday August 28, 2010

Woke up late Alice had text me earlier saying the BBQ she was going to is no longer happening and wanted to know if I would want to hangout. I would have for sure if she had told me the nigt before. I would have gotten some of my errands out of the way and hit the gym early but since I slept in I can’t cram it all end too bad because I really wanted to fuck her today. I picked up Elli latter at work and we ate some dinner and we took a walk around Stapleton. It was very peaceful and quiet and I was very happy to have been able to spend more time with her.

Friday August 27, 2010

Spent the afternoon with Elli. We had some very good sex before going out to dinner and then attending a Pressure Point class for BDSM. The class was at the Sanctuary and was taught by Fifth Angle and his wife. Fifth Angle was a great instructor who had considerable knowledge on the topic. We met Alice there. Originally Alice had invited us to go with her and her boyfriend Jake but because of scheduling Chris couldn’t make the presentation. After words we went out to a Taco shack that as soon as you walked in you thought you were in Mexico. They couldn’t speak English and got our orders mixed up but the food was good.

Thursday August 26 2010

Renee texted me while I was at the gym and canceled for today’s lunch so I did a little writing on my Dr. Monroe story and read some of Shogun by James Clavell. Throughout the day I was experiencing sever dizzy spells which I attribute to the 50mg of ClomiPhene Citrate that I was taking nightly while I was waiting for my unit of testosterone to be shipped to me. I went over to Alice’s last night and spent some quality together. We ate some dinner and took a long walk and I think we would have had sex if I weren’t having another dizzy spell.

Wednesday August 25, 2010

Went out with Trish and Hogan for a drink and another coworker who has a crush on me tracked us down at the sports bar and was upset to see me with the two other ladies. It was an awkward moment but fortunately it was only a moment. I guess I’m pretty popular for an introvert.