I saw my therapist today. It’s been a few weeks since we were able to have a session. A lot has gone on since I last spoke to Abby. I went over the hormone therapy as well as stopping my antidepressant. I fell highly angry and very suspicious of women. As I talk to Abby I find myself wondering what a sociopath path gets out of being a serial killer? If you can’t feel the intensity of hate and anger and can’t empathize with your victims suffering then what really is the point? Oh that’s right I’m in a therapy session, I don’t have time for he myriad of personalities within me to dissect the finer points of personality disorders as they relate to serial killing!
I purchase a bottle of L-Tyrosine, L-Methionine and 5-HTP. It will take at least a week before I will be able to feel the effects if any.
I spend a little time with Elli but by the afternoon I falsely believe that she is angry with me and I feel very distant and frustrated. I feel sick and completely exhausted and decided to lay down. I don’t fully explain too Elli how I feel and what I think and in the end push her further away. Although I really looked forward to it I end up canceling my date with Alice tonight. I haven’t seen her in weeks and miss her very much but at the moment I feel lost and desperate. I need to be alone…
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