Talked to Elli about the reasons for me needing alone time. The first reason is because of the initial template that I used in my childhood. Shared time with others was limited. Only alone time was actually safe my abusive mother shaped this template more then anyone else. I also spoke to Elli about the other reason for me wanting to sleep alone and that had to do with the dynamics of our relationship that had changed. While I was aware of her relationship with her (then) husband and her current girlfriend Amy I never really had to see it or directly experience either of them. Now that Elli and I have moved in together the reality of seeing Amy with Elli and having Amy spend nights are real and tangible. When Elli had Amy spend the very first night at our new apartment I wondered silently if I had made a big mistake moving in with Ell. By not sleeping with her it would create a sort of distance that I need in order to process this latest change and taken to an extreme would have made it a bit easier if I chose to modify or end our relationship.
I picked up Evey fom work and we went by her new place so that I could get a chance to see it and so she could shower. It was a small but cute studio on Capital Hill close to the night life and pulse of the city. Next we headed back to my place, we had planned on playing (BDSM) for a bit while we waited to hear back from her primary to see his restrictions on our sexual interlude however we ended up talking for hours about her past and present and relationships in general. I really enjoyed my time with her even if we didn’t end up having sex. Maybe next time :)
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